My world changed and something that had become such a special part of my life, a key piece of my self-care support system, was suddenly taken away from me a couple days ag0—Friday the 13th.
That evening, I took a moment to acknowledge the closing of an era of flowing with friends at my beloved local neighborhood yoga studio that was closing, unable to make the last session I learned would be the last just a couple of hours before it was to take place. I had already practiced that day at 6 am and was scheduled to attend the next morning, and had plans to see the Taylor Swift movie with my daughter.
An awareness of the inherent impermanence of all things is part of the Hindu and the Buddhist tradition. One of my favorite Buddhist thinkers, Thich Nhat Hanh, said, “When we look deeply at the nature of things, we see that in fact everything is impermanent. Nothing exists as a permanent entity; everything changes.”
My thoughts that day went to something I’d heard before—that it is wise to not give what you cannot afford to lose. And that’s a good thing, because in the space of a little over a month, I gave this studio a significant amount of funding in response to the owner’s call to save it. From what I understand, the money is gone. When I think about how hard I work for my money, when I think about how the amount I gave the studio could have almost paid for a yoga retreat in Peru I was eyeing…it could hurt.
When I think about how going to this studio with my daughter had become such a part of our lives—we were even at the point where my teen was getting up to attend 6 am classes with me—it makes me sad that we’ll miss the experience. I am sure I will tear up more than once again, remembering the warm glow of the windowless, mirrorless, studio with its hot pink walls and amber sconces and the warmer glow of the shared energy experienced from the array of classes we took there.
Not to mention the friendships made in teacher training and seeing familiar faces at the studio. While these ties can certainly remain as we reconnect exploring other studios, this “home” studio’s closure does throw things into a bit of a blur of uncertainty and in my view, lots of questions swirling around about how it all went down. Could they not have winded down with a “closing at the end of the month” kind of denouement, and let us all pay our proper respects?
I saw my friends and YTT teachers peel away from the organization like dominoes falling, one after another quitting. I personally, privately, offered to teach for free if it could save the studio—but I know not everyone can do that, and it takes a whole lot more than a few volunteers to run a four-location yoga enterprise. (Did they expand too rapidly?) They’re trying to sell the business and calling the closure “temporary.”
I hope that if the studio reopens I might get some kind of legacy membership, having paid a year’s dues in full for two and donating to the GoFundme, but the future is uncertain.
But I have to let it be and harbor no negativity.
I lose nothing because I have everything I need and am so grateful for the abundance in my life and everything learned along the way!
Late last night, experiencing some plant medicine, it really came through to me that I need to connect more with my husband and family relationships. Maybe the day-to-day lifestyle changes related to having to seek out new yoga experiences (it keeps me sane) in the wake of my home studio closure will complement other shifts needed in my life.
So, I won’t be studying in Peru any time soon, but I did sign up to study another 300 hour training online with My Vinyasa Practice that will get me to an RYT 500 level when I complete it.
I’ll be seeking other places to practice as part of a community as well as increasing my personal home practice to fill in the gaps the closed studio leaves. There is actually a Hindu temple not far from home that offers free yoga on the weekends and a little studio tucked away just block beyond the one that closed with a grand re-opening next weekend. We’ll see.
I’m moving forward with gratitude, hope and confidence in what the universe has in store for me.